Heartache and Laughter


I think it’s safe to say we have all had heartaches.  Some are small and some are big.  When I was a teen my mom died.  She was only 40, battled cancer and left us far too soon.  My heart was broken.  I physically was ill and felt like I had an actual hole in my heart.  A part of me was missing.  I can’t even write these words without getting weepy.  The reminder of that pain can actually make my heart hurt like that all over again.  This was all 30, yes THIRTY, years ago.  You see my mom had put on such a brave fight and had so much faith that no matter what God would take care of her, that I actually didn’t think she would die.  She told me, “God has a plan for me and I am ok with that plan.  No matter how it turns out.”  I just never thought this is what she meant by those words.  Because why would God want such pain for those of us left behind to grieve?  So on that night when she left this world, she was out of pain and ours was just beginning.  That experience was one of the most painful and devastating things I have ever gone through in my life.  It’s what I base all other painful things around.  It’s my litmus test.  My mom who taught me to lean on Christ, and praise him in good times and bad, is what got me through and continues to get me through this temporary life.

2Corinthians 1:3  “God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.”

God carried me this past summer.  He carried me big.  Because did you know sometimes the heartache you suffer isn’t yours?  I didn’t know how big of a heartache we can have for others until recently.  Yes, I ache for my kids when they hurt.  I ache for friends when they lose a loved one.  These are hurts I can relate to.  But what about the hurts I haven’t had?  The one where you sit with your friend and you just want to hold her, cry with her and pray with her because you don’t know what else to do.  The kind of hurt that isn’t worthy of words.  The kind of hurt where only a long, sobbing embrace that silently screams “I’ll hold you up as best I can”, is made of.  That is when God enters in and carries you.  He brings you hope, peace and ideas or scripture that come to you right when you thought there was no hope.  HE does that.

2 Corinthins 1:4 “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others when they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”

One of my very favorite things is to laugh and make others do the same. It brings me comfort.  I mean a good laugh is such a fantastic dose of medicine, isn’t it?  But when a situation is so dire, so intense and you don’t know one moment to the next if your loved one is even going to make it, well this does not seem the time to laugh.  Laughing we didn’t, intense prayer we did!

James 5:16….pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

Then one day, maybe four weeks after Beau’s accident, a friend at the gym wanted to make me laugh.  She introduced me to crazy helium videos.  She made me laugh so hard I cried.  My dear friend Beth made me cry that day because it had been so long since I had laughed .  Besides I was getting really good at crying by this point anyway.  Because did I mention just because God is near, and bringing us hope there is still an ache.  He just keeps it hope filled.  Then I started making videos and went a little crazy sending Ang videos almost daily, attempting to make her laugh.  Which she did and of course that only encouraged me to keep on sending them.  There are some pretty embarrassing ones, ones that only she and I thought were funny, and still do.  But this one is one of her favs and mine.  It’s a good reminder it’s ok to laugh at yourself, even if no one else does. Because how can you not laugh at yourself when you look like that?  …broccoli in your teeth and all….

Proverbs 17:22 “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.”



So whatever your comfort is , use it when those around you need it.  If it’s baking, bake.  If it’s talking, talk, if it’s just being present, be present.  Because God uses us right when we are needed….even if it’s in a video that might make you look a little crazy.

Peace out from this crazy,


4 thoughts on “Heartache and Laughter

  1. Laughter is a gift!
    Thank you for sharing your heartache.
    I hope you can continue to laugh and make others laugh when they are feeling low! You’ve done it for me! You have a good heart, Heidi and BTW….you’re not crazy! ♡

    Liked by 1 person


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