I’m so grateful that our life is always changing and that we’re not stuck in the same season all the time. Life will always throw us curve balls, but we learn to adapt, change and grow, even though I’m still struggling with grief. With the loss of what was and the worry of the future (I know in the Bible it says not to worry, believe me I’m still working on that.) However, even with all this struggle, I’m still finding so much JOY.
I found a journal entry dated July 13th (when we were still in the hospital) I wrote:
The first thing I do when faced with a hardship is pray. Going through this time with Beau I’ve never prayed so much or hard in my life.
When Heidi and I started talking one night about prayer we both were feeling guilty about not having a better prayer life in the everyday. We both admit that we pray everyday but looking back on our prayer life and comparing it to now in the midst of this crisis it doesn’t compare.
As we were talking, I remembered a verse in the Bible I had just read earlier that day in James 5:13-14 “Are any of you suffering hardships? You should pray. Are any of you happy? You should sing praise. Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you. Anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord.”
It gave me peace and lifted my guilt that I was feeling in reading that. It made sense to me that we have been in diligent prayer since we’ve been in a hardship. It also made sense why when we are happy our spirits aren’t so heavy and we sing songs of praise.
I recently was listening to a song and one of the lines just hit me. It’s from Keith Urban “Break On Me” while the song is about him being the rock for the girl, or something like that. The one line says…
“There’ll be days your heart don’t wanna beat
You pray more than you breath.”
Oh man when I heard that line I thought to myself I have so been there. It just put into words how I remember feeling.
We need to give ourselves permission to be in the season we are in and to be ok with it. If that means praying more than we breath, than that’s what we do. Other times it’s ok to have your heart full of joy and sing and laugh and have a lifted spirit. We are all in different seasons some are so hard you don’t think you can live through it. If that’s where you are right now, remember this season will change and you will find some joy again. I would say I still have lots of moments of getting on my knees to pray because my heart is so heavy, but I’m also finding lots of reasons to sing and have joy in my heart. This picture is one of those moments. He keeps meeting me under the mistletoe to give me a kiss.
Here’s to a joyful holiday season and Merry Christmas!
Lots of Love,